Did you ever

take the long way home to avoid a bully?

Maybe you slipped out the side door of the school because you knew he was waiting at the front. Maybe you walked with a group of friends because you knew he was less likely to attack all of you.

Why me?

You hadn’t done anything wrong. But for some reason, he picked you as the object of his anger. Maybe you happened to stand up for yourself one time. You got up after he pushed you down and told you to stay there.

Maybe, you stood up for someone else. You walked in front of the child on the ground to prevent the second kick.

Maybe you said something that challenged his view that he controlled the classroom or the school or the community or the homeowners association. You had the nerve to speak up.

For whatever reason, he was after you.

So you took the long way home. You went down two alleys and a side street and you tried to avoid him. You tried to avoid the confrontation.

But after a time or two, he still found you. He was waiting for you a block from home with a snear on his face and his eyes piercing your insides.

Again, you didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. Oh, he tries to convince you that you did. You shouldn’t have made him angry. You should have done what he told you. You shouldn’t have answered the teacher when she asked those questions. You certainly shouldn’t have told the truth. It’s all your fault.

And then, you tried to avoid him. You didn’t have to, but you did.

But he still found you.

Walking the walk

Every day I take my dog on a walk in the morning. I walk down our lane, about 1/3 of a mile and I pass the house of a neighbor who has two german shepherds.

German shepherds can be scary, y’all.

I’ve met some nice ones. Loving, family pets, but there is a reason that they make good guard dogs. You always want to be on their good side.

When I pass my neighbor’s house, her dogs bark a lot. Really loud, aggressive barking. And they’re jumping up and down inside the fence.

My dog is a service dog in training for my son with special needs. She is kind and loving, but also a good alert dog for strangers. Her bark is pretty fierce too. But when we pass my neighbor’s dogs, she whimpers a little.

A german shepherd’s bark would scare anyone. But they’re behind a fence.

Sometimes though, they get out of the fence. They charge at us, get close, and follow us while we walk, barking all the while.

Do I ever think about turning around and going back home? You bet I do.

Do I ever think about stopping my walk short? Sure enough.

Bullies hate boundaries

The reality is that when we turn and run from a bully, it only empowers them. They decide that they’re right, they really do own that space, they do own that school, they do own that lane.

When we run from a bully, they believe even more that you don’t have a right to be there, you don’t have a right to be doing what you’re doing, which is what they thought in the first place.

That fence they were behind? That fence represents healthy boundaries. Truth. The law.

They have the right to bark and yell and scream, confined by that fence, confined by what is healthy for other people, what is the truth, and what the law requires.

But because bullies hate boundaries, sometimes they jump that fence. And when they jump that fence and begin barking at you, there is a temptation to take the long way around, to cut our walk short and change our life for the bully.

But if we’re walking in the truth, if we’re walking in healthy places where we need to be and have a right to be, taking the long way home isn’t grace or kindness, because for the bullies, it will never be enough.

This week it’s this street. This week it’s the lane. Next week, it’ll be your driveway or the side streets. [tweet_dis]A bully feels entitled to own the space and keep you in your place.[/tweet_dis]

Keep walking. Keep walking in truth. Keep walking in healthy places.

Fences are good. Enforce your boundaries.

Be kind to the bullies, but don’t shrink away. To shrink into nothing just allows the bully to expand into the entire space. And not only will he crowd you out, but he will surely crowd out the grandmother trying to take a walk. He will surely crowd out the child with a disability trying to get home from school. He will surely crowd out anyone who speaks up.

Take heart. Have courage. Walk on.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

– Deut. 31:6

 

Featured image courtesy of Kat J on Unsplash